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Foiling the Grinch: Mission of a woman out-smart a saboteur Christmas

Foiling the Grinch

www.marycalhounbrown.com

One Woman's Mission to out-smart a saboteur Christmas

Maybe the Grinch has been misunderstood all these years. Perhaps Dr. Seuss's X-ray machine was wrong. Is it possible that the Grinch was just a man who had everything he needed? Could it be that, in his enthusiasm for the Christmas season, he has spoiled the excitement of those around him?

Probably not.

But as I sit here in my outrageously ugly Christmas sweater that Bill Cosby and Cosby denies children (there is a competition later, long story), I contemplate the reasons for sabotage my annual Grinch of holiday cheer. He loves Christmas. Really. Loves. There. So why does he lose himself regularly? It is as if he slides down the chimney own, steals his own courage and my Christmas with her.

My story begins years in a dimly lit cellar where I, in my enthusiasm unbridled overturned plastic bag after plastic bag of tiny metal parts on the floor along the side poles and odds and ends that would become Stairmaster machine. You see, Mr. Grinch missed weeks before he would like a Stairmaster, and I was just the girl to perform his vow. It took me a week to put this darn thing together. I do not have any leftover parts, either.

With fingers first my work and a painful case of carpal tunnel syndrome, I am proud to open the door to show Mr. Grinch wonder that I created my own hands with the help of over servants of Satan who wrote the instruction manual.

He smiled that broad smile. You know the one, no teeth the ear to the lips of the ear, which of course means that something is wrong, and then he said he "appreciates the thought," but he has already ordered the exact model he wants, and it will be delivered (Assembled) in one week. Great. It's great! It is, however, offer to help me remove this "thing" and put the box back.

Now, take the story Stairmaster above, rewrite a dozen times and replace the word "Stairmaster" with "camera", "DVD", "navigation system, "Workbook", "table Fooseball. . . you get the picture.

My kids think it's a kind of joke. They think it hilarious, almost better than National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. One of them suggested that I think of what to buy for him and do not buy it. Another suggested that I buy the second thing I think of. I insisted he is not shopping between Halloween and Christmas, but nothing works.

I know you're wondering …. What happened this year? This year Mr. Grumpy hit me with a double whammy. I drew his name in our annual report "Secret Santa" exchange, although everyone always knows the world who else then I guess it's not really a secret, but whatever. I immediately rush to get him the player most recent Blue Ray, who plays blue ray discs and DVDs and you can stream live video from the Internet. Cool. This device will replace the PS3, we have used as a blue ray player, and it frees the Munchkins can actually play games on it (a double gift – you gotta love those).

last night, therefore, Grinchy-sweety starts giving me suggestions for "Secret Santa" gift. He realized that it would be nice to have a blue ray player. Then he starts to tell me the importance of having a model that also plays dvds. It is as if the dear man has a vision xray and found wrapped under the tree. I know he will come home from work one evening with the exact model I bought under his arm and a proud smile on his face.

The second part of the dual problem is present, munchkin No. 2 decided he wanted a dock I-pod for Christmas and I found perfect. The model comes with a device that fits easily under a mattress and literally shakes the bed. (Munchkin # 2 has trouble waking up for school the morning, so it's perfect for him.) As I do lunch on Saturday, Mr. Grinch calls munchkin No. 2 in her room, where Grinch-y, you'll guessed, I-pod dock. And yes, Mr. Grinch intends to give that I-Pod Dock for Munchkin # 2. My senses were tingling Christmas, however, and I managed to screw the stairs and intercede before the Grinch has ruined the surprise holiday Munchkin. (Plus, the dock was missing grumpy bed above shaking attachment.)

So my question is for readers of this … how do you stop a saboteur Christmas? How do you protect the joy of giving when He is regularly pulled out from under your feet? Is it even possible without jeopardizing the enormous heart of your own Mr. Grinch?

?

Calhoun Mary Brown, the award-winning author,

There are no words

About the Author

Mary Calhoun Brown tells stories about things that matter, weaving colorful and sensitive characters into history for a generation that prefers to be entertained rather than educated.

Brown’s award-winning book, There Are No Words, will be released Feb. 1, 2010.

Brown is an advocate for children and adults with autism. She also partners with educators to create curriculum guides for her novels so teachers and home-school parents can meet state requirements while making the most of classroom and planning time.

Mary Calhoun Brown lives in beautiful Huntington, West Virginia, with her husband Cam and three sons, William, Harrison and Dewey

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